Pensive
by iviscrit
Summary: Oneshot. "I would be delighted. Oh, don't mention this to Elphinstone, would you? He still can't believe Tom and I were... you know." She laughed. "I was so young and foolish." Minerva explains her relationship. T/M. Please R&R!


A/N: Trying something new. This is dedicated to americanathogwarts and Sachita. You both are awesome, you know that?

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><p>Should I stay or should I go?<p>

It's not a very difficult choice to be asked to ma, not when I separate emotion from logic and think about it coldly and clinically, but despite my insistence that this is a feat I am capable of, I know I cannot, at least not in this one area. If I were able to, I wouldn't need to ask the question, would I?

It's not that he's ever done anything to me. My injuries are my own, my emotional scars are of my own making. After all, does violence, when it's the result of provocation, still count as violence? It shouldn't, it can't. And the rest is the only way he knows how to feel. You know, I don't think he understands the softer emotions...that a brush from delicate fingers can be more undoing than all the passion bordering on violence he can bestow- wait, no. I didn't mean to say that. No, he is capable of feelings, really. I promise you, I know. No, don't ask me how, I tell you I'm certain, I tell you I know. You want an example? I... Fine, I partially concede that point, but with a revision: I am the exception.

You don't believe me? Well, I grant I can understand why you wouldn't, he never drops the act around you. No, I can't tell you how I know his feelings towards me. I can't tell you. I refuse to. But if I could, maybe you'd understand me.

His friends claim to know him; some of the closer ones boast that they understand him. I agree with you here. You're right, they aren't his friends. Lord Voldemort has never had a friend, nor do I think he ever wanted one. But that doesn't mean he is completely solitary.

Really? Oh, I could tell you his plans. I could tell you how he plans to achieve his vision, and his immortality. Oh, with all that I know, you'd have a chance to stop him.

Of course I won't tell you. Why? Oh, I I think it's rather obvious, myself. If you had seen him...if you could have seen his face when he begged me to divulge nothing, even to you. Especially to you. He nearly cried with relief when I promised him that I wouldn't tell. I'll die before I do. Overdramatic, you say? Ha! Hardly. I really will die before I tell. I made an Unbreakable Vow. What? Of course he didn't force me! Never! He has never forced me to do anything... Actually, he used to. Yes, I will be honest. In the beginning..before I told him I loved him. What? No, after that there was no need to force me anymore. I would have done anything for him, and I still will... within reason. An example? I don't know...but I'll know should he ask it of me.

What do you mean, I've lost my sense of self? I haven't changed, really. Really, I'm still the same Minerva who followed authority, who was fiercely independent, who- oh, the past tense! I meant follow, I meant am, I meant... you don't understand. I'm not doing it because he makes me. I'm doing it because, well... I love him. Now, of course he loves me as well, I promise you that. As if I would remain with him if he didn't. Why can't you accept I'm the one exception? Why can't you accept that he can and does love, albeit in his own way? He hides it, you know. He hides it as if it is weakness. Sometimes I'm convinced that he doesn't even know he loves. Why? Because he avoids saying it and when he does, it's rushed. Well, of course I know he means it, he doesn't lie to me. Really? He tells me more than you think. He has told me of his Death Eaters, of his plans for new world order. Yes, he's even told me he doesn't care about blood status and it's just a means to get powerful followers. Took you by surprise, didn't it? I tell you, I know him. And he's told me his ultimate goal. And I will never tell you, and you now know why.

What do you mean, I'm obsessive? If anything he's more so than me, possessive, even. What? Oh, well, he prefers me to be with him, he is attentive to my every want, he is careful that no other captures my interest, though he needn't worry about that! But even so... he does it because-

Will you let me explain without interrupting for once? You know, I now see what he meant about you. You formulated ideas about him from day one, you are biased against him. You- you- I can't believe you were my favorite teacher. I'm leaving.

Yes, we are staying together. Do not take that mocking tone with me! I am going. Yes, I'll tell him about this conversation!

No, I will not say goodbye.

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><p>He stared at her in surprise as she recounted what happened. "You said all that."<p>

"Yes." She put her arms around his neck and tossed her hair back, eyes shining. "He probably hates me now. But I did it for you, Tom. I did it for us."

He smiled but it did not reach his eyes. "Oh, Minerva. What have I done to you..."

"What do you mean?" she said, kissing him repeatedly. "I'm fine. Let me help you with your work, in any way I can. What do you want me to-"

"Stop it," he ordered, growing angry and concerned. Her behaviour bothered him. "Stop. What's the matter with you?"

"I don't understand," she said, frowning. "I'm everything you wanted me to be. What's wrong now?"

"What's wrong?" he repeated, clenching his jaw. "Everything. What do you think I love about you?"

She hadn't expected this. "I- I never really-"

"Not your looks, not your athletic ability, not even physical intimacy. No, I like and enjoy all of the above. But what do I love about you? Any ideas?"

She felt stupid and unable to answer. "No. Tell me."

"Your mind. Your intelligence, your will, your refusal to be conquered. Your insistence on being my foil, your need to best me in everything. You were independent and irrepressible, Minerva, and I ruined that. What bothered me at first is now broken, and now that I've ruined it I think I've disposed of the one thing I love..." He frowned. "If my understanding of what it entails is correct." Gently he pushed her away. "Demand to be freed of your vow. We can't see one another. You need to become you again, and I need to work alone."

"No."

Rage seeped into his eyes. "Minerva, I'm thinking of you. this will be the first and last time I say this. I'm telling you because I love you. Now do as I say."

"You are not the boss of me, Tom Riddle, and I'll do as I damn well please."

A snarl escaped him. "Two can play at that game, you now." She started for the door, and he sprang after her, pinning her to the wall and restraining her as he cast the spell freeing her of the vow. "Now tell me you'll do as you please,' he said, voice deathly cold.

She smiled sadly, kissing him a last time. "I already have. And I will continue to do so." She ran her fingers along him face. "And you're right. We can't see one another again." She reached for the door.

Urgency filled his eyes as comprehension dawned on him. "Minerva, don't. I didn't mean that. I lo-"

She stopped him. "No, you already told me. Please, don't say it again or I won't be able to leave." She forced a smile. "Goodbye, Tom."

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><p>The pensieve became murky and the images distant as they stood upright again. "Do you see now?" she asked him.<p>

"Astounding," Dumbledore said. "I am truly sorry, Minerva."

She laughed. "Don't be, I'm long over it. But you see now why I maintain that he can love. And you see why fear him most."

Dumbledore frowned. "I see the first but not the second, I'm afraid."

"I thought it obvious," she said. "No one else has made me forget myself like that."

"But you tricked him," Dumbledore pointed out. "So really..."

"Yes, but only after everything else."

"I am truly... Would you care for a sherbet lemon?"

"Candy doesn't fix everything you know. But I would be delighted. Oh, don't mention this to Elphinstone, would you? He still can't believe Tom and I were... you know." She laughed. "I was so young and foolish."

"I will say nothing." He beamed at her.

"You're a good friend, Albus."

FIN

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><p><strong>AN: Did you like it? I'm new to writing angst because I'm such a happy person and I have no experience in this particular department hence the happy ending. Thoughts welcomed! Review pleaaaaase!**


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